14 Feb 7 Signs your relationship is in trouble and what to do about it
Whether you have been married for decades or recently started dating, there are some common signs that can determine the long term success of the relationship. But many couples can’t see the woods for the trees and fail to spot even the most obvious red flags that their relationship is headed for failure.
What are these signs? And how can you spot them and proactively solve them within your own relationship?
Top Reasons Couples Divorce
According to research published in Couple Family Psychology, there are common reasons cited for divorce. Some of which, we believe, are resolvable if the couple can spot the warning signs early.
Some of these reasons are:
Lack of commitment. One partner is stalling or hesitant about certain life choices (moving in, getting married, etc). This causes upset within the relationship dynamic.
Infidelity. One or both partners have been unfaithful, either emotionally or physically.
High conflict. One or both partners are unable to agree on certain issues, and arguments become more frequent.
Change over time. One or both partners have become different people over time, making them unrecognisable from when they were younger.
Financial strain. Money worries can cause high conflict and stress within the relationship. This might include hiding debt or having disproportionate incomes.
Religious or cultural differences. These might emerge later in the relationship when certain life events occur, such as having children and deciding how to raise them.
While all of these reasons are serious and difficult to overcome, they all come with a set of warning signs that you might notice. Spotting them early can prevent the issues from developing beyond the point of no return.
#1 You’re going through the motions, rather than living
Kids, careers, health issues and money concerns are all reasons your relationship could have taken a back seat. If your life has become routined, stagnant, unexciting and overly militant, you might begin to crave excitement in less healthy ways. Everyone deserves excitement, but not everyone knows they’re missing it until they begin acting out (or the other partner does). If you find yourself bored, making no effort and not communicating properly, you might be on a road to relationship problems. One solution is to do something out of the ordinary, such as booking one of our luxury getaways.
#2 You’ve stopped dating / flirting
The beginning of your relationship was full of fireworks. You laughed, touched, went out to dinner, had passionate sex and made plans for the future. But after some time, this can deplete or take a back seat to other issues. A survey by Relate shows that 8% of couples haven’t had sex in a year, and 20% have had sex less than 10 times in that timeframe. If sex, intimacy and dating feels like a chore, or going out to dinner results in the two of you sitting in silence, it’s a sign that a reconnection is needed.
#3 You’ve had traumas or difficult life events
Relationship traumas like miscarriage, a family death or major financial crash can leave couples feeling desolate, disconnected and despondent. An unresolved trauma in your relationship is an early warning sign of trouble to come in the future, and it is best to identify and accept the power of the trauma and work together to heal it, before other symptoms emerge.
#4 You’re fighting a lot
Everyone has their own ‘conflict resolution style’. Some people are aggressive, assertive and direct. Others are passive aggressive and quiet. It might sound strange, but some couples simply don’t know how to resolve conflict in a healthy way. They never learned how to do it. We all know that frequent arguments in relationships are a bad thing, but often they occur because matters aren’t being resolved. Couples therapy can help you to learn this skill, and removing yourself from life stressors that are causing arguments (money, kids, jobs) can help you gain a better perspective on the issues.
#5 You’re fantasising about another life, or person
In one 2021 survey, almost half of all respondents in monogamous relationships admitted to having an affair. This makes it an extremely prevalent problem. Often, people don’t have affairs because they are uncaring or deliberately hurtful, but because they are not having their needs met in their relationship. If you yourself are imagining what life might be like with someone else, or have had sexual fantasies about another person, now is the time to act. Before fantasy turns to action. You can identify what’s unfulfilling about your current relationship and fix this problem proactively, perhaps with the use of couple’s therapy or a couples getaway.
#6 You are lying to avoid conflict
If you are lying, or think your partner is lying, it is an early warning sign of a much deeper problem. Deliberate lies cause pain – always. While you may think you are protecting your spouse by lying, you’re actually manipulating them, and devaluing their thoughts and experiences within the relationship. Lying early in the relationship can lead to much bigger problems later on, so if you know you’re doing this, it is time to come clean.
#7 You feel rejected
Does your partner seem more interested in his or her friends than you? Perhaps you’ve not had a compliment in ages, or haven’t felt sexually desired. You might not get invited to social events or family gatherings. If you are feeling rejected, it’s an early sign of a bigger relationship problem, and one that can be solved with quality time, communication and a renewed connection.
If you can relate to even one of these issues, you can give your relationship a helping hand by taking action now. It’s time for you and your partner to treat yourselves to some TLC.
A couple’s retreat can help with any of the above issues, as well as many more. When you sign up to a Kailani Escape, you remove yourselves from the stressors and boredoms of everyday life and challenge your relationship to take new risks. By doing this, you rediscover each other as fresh and new via a beautiful retreat destination.
Whether you are dating and thinking about long term relationship prospects, or have been married for 50 years and wish to refresh your connection, one of our vacation packages for couples can help. We integrate couples activities, relationship therapy, luxury surroundings and the ultimate couple pampering for a full-relationship makeover. Visit our retreat escapes page for information on our next available retreats and luxury destinations. We hope to see you there.