07 Apr How Children Change Our Relationships
When we decide to have children, there’s no feeling quite like it. The excitement, anticipation, joy, fear and sense of purpose are unparalleled. Having children is a truly life-lifting experience and, if you are lucky enough to do it, something you cherish forever. But, as with all good things in life, there are some downsides. Less freedom, higher stress levels and poorer finances being just some of these. Something that people often don’t talk about is the way children can change a relationship. Couples are often completely unprepared for this. Here, we explore what often happens, and how to maintain the strong loving relationship you had before children.
The benefits of having children
Having a child together will inevitably bring you closer as a couple in many ways. You now have something profound in common, binding you together for at least the next 18 years. You can share in the joy of raising your child, witnessing their achievements and feel a sense of joint pride. Having children can also fulfil us on a personal level, which by extension improves our relationships. Some people even feel more secure having children because they know they’ll be taken care of in later life.
The downside of having children
Unfortunately, much data exists as to why having children can actually decrease our happiness. A huge study following hundreds of couples has shown that childless couples report a better romantic life, higher life satisfaction, and better overall wellness. Interestingly, couples living in countries with pro-family political benefits (such as longer maternity leave) were a lot happier with parenting than those living in countries where it is harder to raise a family (including the UK).
So, what is the problem exactly? Well, it’s not going to be the same for everyone. But often, having children can:
- Decrease the frequency of sex, especially around the time of birth and infancy
- Hit your finances hard
- Cause disagreements between the parents if they have different views on something relating to the child
- Cause wider family disagreements (e.g. if you spend more time with one grandparent than another)
- Cause excessive tiredness in both parents
- Make one parent feel left out or neglected while the other focuses on parenting
- Change our personalities in such a way that we become unrecognisable to the other person in the relationship
- Inhibit our freedoms
- Cause resentment if one person seeks freedom away from the child
And so on…
As you can see, the list is long and probably doesn’t stop there.
So what can you do?
It’s time to reconnect
You fell in love for a reason. You knew each other before you had children and there’s no reason you cannot regain that intimacy once more. The first step is to move away from your home environment for a few days and rediscover each other in a new, luxurious place, where none of the home stressors are going to impact you.
When you go on a couples retreat, you can forget about the children, finances and tiredness, and focus on each other. You can work with a renowned couples therapist, seek sanctuary at the spa and enjoy world class treatment while reconnecting on a deep level.
Our luxury destinations are hand picked to bring you comfort and peace. Any one of our luxury holidays for couples will help you to get closer and learn new strategies to manage stress and kids.
Check out our destination page for more information on our upcoming retreats.